Lucky Bitches

We're SO nice, until you piss us off.

Gerg and I were riding the Nighthawk back from Pizza Nea the other night after a sweet jazz and pizza date.

Gerg is a wikked attentive driver, thankfully. We were both pretty shocked when some bitch came plowing directly towards us in her Nissan driving on the wrong side of the street.

We were driving through an intersection where the cross traffic had to stop, but our lane wasn't required to stop. Gerg had to stop suddenly in the middle of the intersection and the bitch driving towards us in our lane finally slammed on her brakes, stopping about 4 feet in front of us. She came "this close" to a head-on collision with us. We both slid forward suddenly on the bike, but neither of us fell down, or anything.

There's another car at a stop sign at the intersection, and I hear the girl in that car who witnessed the shit yell, "Jesus Christ!!" through her open window. I seconded that in my head. I think I was too shocked say anything at first.

The bitch who almost hit us had stopped in the middle of the lane on the wrong side of the road, probably confused about why she was driving on the wrong f-ing side of the street.

Gerg yells "Get off the road!!" at the the bitch as we drive around the car to continue on our way. And here's the part that really pisses me off....the dude in the passenger seat was smiling - maybe even laughing as we drove around them. I understand that accidents happen, but laughing in the face of the people you almost ran over is rude. I totally flipped them off.

As we drove away, I daydreamed about jumping off the bike right there, ripping him out of the car through the passenger window and sinking my heel into his eyesocket, screaming, "WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, mother-f-er?!?!" Instead, I rubbed gerg's shoulders and commended him on his deft motorcycle driving skilz.

Bitches are SO lucky. And fortunately, I didn't scuff my new peeptoe pumps from Ireland during the incident. Lucky. Bitches.

11 comments:

gerg said...

Soon we will own the motorcycle version of a monster truck so we can just run over idiots driving on the wrong side of the road.

Ranty said...

Whoa. That is SO scary!!! I'm glad nothing bad happened in the end! People are crazy and unobservant, that's for sure...

BTW you asked about my house - it's in the Willard-Hay neighborhood, on 23rd Ave between Thomas and Sheridan. I'll post a listing link as soon as it's officially up!

Sandra said...

Bitches ARE lucky, but so are you - glad you didn't get hurt, or the peeptoes :)

reetsyburger said...

gerg - You da man. Way to save us!

ranty - I'm glad nothin happened either! can't wait to see the house!

sandra - I'm telling you...had those shoes been damaged, heads would've rolled!

Anonymous said...

what the hell are you doing wearing anything but boots on a bike

you're dumber than the bitch going the wrong way

reetsyburger said...

anonymous - some lessons are learned the hard way. I wouldn't say I'm dumber than that bitch, but I'm definitely luckier. I'm sticking to sneakers and boots now.

Jeremy said...

I would have crawled up her tailpipe and disconnected her spine from her brain stem.

reetsyburger said...

Jeremy - I know gerg's had close calls on solo rides, but we've never had one when I was on back. Shit freaked me out. PS - I think the brainstem disconnect might already be underway?

gerg said...

Anonymous,
Thanks for the polite and friendly suggestion on footwear.

Mark said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mark said...

I deleted the previous post because it contained a lengthly tirade of hateful insults that would have impressed the world's most clever assholes, and yet I still refuse to digress ...

anonymously calling someone a bitch is a cowardly act; it is similar to annulling a marriage with a text message

anonymous should save some face by providing an example of their ability to perform long division, and by "long division" I mean "a Lycra-induced camel toe"

I disclaim that as an older brother I am officially allowed to engage in childish internet retaliation since anonymous has forgone their right to engage in fisticuffs, and by "engage in fisticuffs" I mean "get their ass kicked by Reetsyburger's big brother"

http://www.stopcyberbullying.org/